A Huge Sigh of Relief

Well I have just come through one of the most stressful weeks I have had in a very long time! First, I had to make a decision for the whole family! Not just my immediate five but the seven other siblings along with their families, and mom and dad! Everyone was so gracious and didn't care where we went but I was facing a midnight deadline, two great options with benefits to either, and the possibility of putting us all in the poor house and unable to take another vacation EVER! I made it through that day only to face what I have been fearing for well over a month!
I had to speak to a huge group of moms yesterday morning and I have been sick to my stomach since Tuesday! I have not slept well and changed the outline fifty times since I was first asked to do it. I am not sure what I said, the whole talk is a blurr. So on the way home after the talk, which by the way I shook the WHOLE way through, I felt as if I would throw up. Tori just laughed at me. Once again I blame Cedar for my fears. Not once in my schooling did I have to speak in front of anyone or give an oral report or anything like that! Once again I was taken out of my place of comfort to be stretched by the maker! While I am thrilled at what he taught me through it all (a lot of time spent in prayer!) I never want to do that again!!

Winning motivates

Yesterday was a perfect day! The weather was sunny and warm. Elijah got a good nap in the great outdoors, and Paige didn't get stung. (even tho the bees were busy and definitely after our lemonade!) We packed up the car and a lunch and took a trip over to Wilmington to do some climbing. It's a great spot! The river sounds in the background, picnic area, trails, the whole bit. We played a little soccer and some football after the climbing was complete. I hiked up and around the back twice and thought for sure I would die. (I am in need of some serious exercise!!) All three kids topped out at about 110 feet! They all were motivated by something different, one in paticular for the sheer enjoyment of beating her sister! I guess it runs in the family--tennis is coming!!

Life has been a roller coaster ride for quite some time now and I don’t think the ride will be stopping anytime soon. I am getting a bit sick and wish the remedy were as simple as throwing up and feeling better. My spinning head has slightly slowed down only to start spinning like a top once again. There are times when I feel like I am floating on a chunk of ice in the middle of a freezing ocean with no landing in sight. When my feet are not planted on this ice chunk, I feel as if they are being lifted and blown around like a kite in a wind storm. Sleep evades me and my dreams chase me as if I were in a marathon that never ends. My calendar is like trying to put queen size sheets on a king size bed—no matter how you turn it there isn’t enough room! My list of to do’s is ever growing and yet keeps disappearing. And there is no one to remind me what’s on the list!
So because of all this- I am CERTAIN I birthed some brain cells!

Last night I got to watch my hunk of studliness play soccer outside! He has been playing all summer (when he is able) but this was my first game this year due to a certain someone named Elijah. Can I just say I was so proud of my husband! Not because he scored a lot, or kept the team working together, not because he made some AWESOME runs from the back, and can still run with the best of them, not because he can slide tackle a man and get up so quickly and stealthily that the ref doesn't know what just happened. Not because his teammates say they need him to stay in because they get scored on when he's out, not for any of these reasons alone. But I am proud of my man because of the man he is at home to me and our children! Sure, watching him play soccer does stir a bit of pride in me, but the greater pride comes while listening to him read a story with the kids piled on his lap. Or watching him show Jamin how to open the doors for ladies by opening my door. I am proud when he willingly takes up the extra cleaning around the house because I am unable. Or when he pulls out the bible and reads to our children.I smile when he tells one of the kids to get mom some ice cream or make mom some coffee! I am proud when he teaches our children to be thoughtful of others by giving up his seat, or simply playing a game that he doesn't feel like playing at the moment. I am proud to be Mrs. Jack klose in so many ways! I don't have to get to the soccer field for that, I can simply go to my back yard and watch soccer being played by dad and his kids!

Questions concerning face book.

Face book. Upon joining face book I must admit I wasn't thrilled, just another thing to occupy my time and another system to figure out. (Which by the way they decide to change more often than not just to keep you busy with it.)
"FRIENDS"
When you take a good look at face book it would appear that any one person has hundreds and hundreds of friends- but can this really be the case? Can classmates from 3rd grade, whom you haven't spoken to in 30 years, really be considered a "friend?" Doesn't there have to be some form of communication between two people to be called friends? I think I even have some on my page that I don't even know or cannot place! Are these people really my "friends"?
"REQUESTS"
I have never in my life had someone who formally "requested" to be my friend and yet here on face book this is a regular occurrence! Should one ever, in any relationship, have to "request" to be your friend? I cannot remember a time when I went up to someone and said something like "I have only known you for a short while, but may I request to be your friend? This I am sure would send some running in the opposite direction!
"IGNORE"
I would never purposefully "ignore" my friend, yet once again that is an option for any "friend" I have on face book. I can ignore them any time I want! Now granted, there have been some times while speaking to friends that my mind has wandered and my focus was not completely with them, but to purposefully tell myself I am going to ignore them- I have never done.
Now, before you call me a hypocrite I admit, I do have a face book, I do go on it occasionally, I do have many "friends" (and have even ignored some) I have "requested" some friends as well. But it just makes me wonder- how many true friends do I have out there? How often have I been "ignored" without even knowing it? And am I just part of a status symbol to be added to someones friend list to make them appear as though they have more friends than the next guy? Face book.......hum..

I do have childhood memories!

So today I was sitting in the living room watching Jamin and Paige wrestle. This is a common occurrence in the Klose home. Paige was winning when out of nowhere Jamin scrunches up his face, takes the stance and screams out RAAAAAHHHHHHH as he charges. It is at this point that Paige loses all control because she is laughing so hard and Jamin is able to defeat her. A few minutes later as they are both recovering Paige says through her giggles "Jamin, you know that saying that word doesn't make you stronger." Right then I myself begin to laugh hysterically. I actually have a childhood memory and it is so similar! You see, I too fought with my brothers and sisters, (o.k. mostly the sisters) and one particular sister, (I will keep her idenity secret) who, like Jamin thought one word would give her "super strength". Anybody remember that word..... TOTAL! We would be in the midst of fighting and at any given time she would shout out TOTAL and would go crazy!! Just flailing like a mad girl, every limb swinging and of coarse, she would at that point win because the opponent was too busy laughing to defend herself. She swore for many years that the word gave her super strength and she could fight anybody and win. Oh, the joys of watching my children fight!

Lessons from Paige

Well today was the day. Paige and four friends came here after school for her first Bible study! She and a friend Abby came up with the idea, got together to plan where in the Bible they would start, what game they would play to get the point across, what time parents would pick up their girls, the whole thing! I was pretty impressed with what they came up with. They were going to start with the Romans road, (their desire in all of this is for their friends to know Christ!)The next step was for them to start in Genesis. Jack and I both have offered help, but Paige and Abby seem pretty confident and have done the planning faithfully. (her independence here is killing me!) My prayer in all of this is that Paige and Abby would have the boldness to press on, even if, no... WHEN persecution comes. I also pray that they would see the fruit of their labor and that they would grow to be more like Christ because of this. What a proud moment for me as a mom, and yet, I recognize that it's all by the grace of God!

These are a few of my favorite things

Sitting in the sun sipping iced tea, wathcing the kids play.
walking the park with Jack.(really doing anything, anywhere with him.)
Cheering on the kids with hubby in whatever sport they're in.
floating on my raft in the pool all alone.
a giant gilatti, mango if they have it.
listening to the kids talk when they don't know I'm listening.
a hiking trip with the family.
getting together with the sisters. (I like the brothers too!)
a real good book
a good workout followed by a good long bath.
my hammock.
rocking on the back porch.
a big snow and sledding with the kids. (followed with some hot chocholate.)
being the one my kids run to for comfort.
those special talks with my kids.
getting an unexpected check in the mail.
picking strawberries and blueberries.
finding a good deal at the grocery.
accomplishing anything!
being able to complete a thought!

The necessities of motherhood

Down to six weeks left! Where has the time gone? My family surprised me with a long distance shower for mothers day last week! Thanks to everyone who participated, and for Dana the organizer (we always needed one of those in our family!) It's crazy how God just takes care of everything! We were almost 9 years removed from the baby scene, can't believe how much has changed over the years! I have already given blood 4 times! (as opposed to once with the others) I have had 4 ultrasounds, not just one. I have to get an IV automatically upon going in to have the baby! No needles before! Is it just Jersey or what!!! This is just a few differences for me, now for baby: They have plastic or net coverings for strollers and pack n plays. They have not just three or four, but 72 varieties of bottles spoons and plates, there is a toy in every fabric and color, but you need a different one every month for your changing baby. One can match your car seat with your wall border for the kids nursery at home! The swings for babies are loaded! They come again in any color or pattern one would desire, they vibrate, play music, have lights, toys hanging from them, battery or plug option, raise and lower options. It's crazy! Lets touch on the cosmetic end of having a baby- rows and rows and rows of shampoos, lotions, oils! Apparently depending one the season or the shape of the moon, your baby has the option of 86 different lotions! Then we come to the food and snacks! Now I am all about food, but they've taken graham crackers, made them little and boxed them with a cute baby on the front and sell them for three times the cost of regular graham crackers! Babies get their own fruit snacks, their own cereal, their own fruit and veggies, It's amazing! I must say that Gerber has done quite well for themselves! Because I am going to be a new mom again I have been watching moms a little more closely. They can't seem to go anywhere without two diaper bags per kid, along with a bag full of toys and snacks just in case!! They can't seem to plan their day because they never know what the baby will want or when he or she will want to lay down or if they'll be cranky. The gates and locks for kids are for any and everything you could think of. They even have a toilet seat lock! With all this craziness it's no wonder moms are stressed! For me and my house we will survive with a dog and a blanket!

Old friend, New sister

I heard from an old friend the other day. I say old because the last time I talked to her was in middle school. We continued high school together, but never spoke to one another there. That was probably my fault, but my memory is only as good as what I write down or what I had for breakfast today. If memory serves me right thou I was not the most popular, nor the most athletic, I wasn't the most beautiful or most likely to succeed. I didn't hang out with a lot of people outside of school, but got along with just about everyone during school. I was shocked when this person commented on face book and asked if she could pray for me! My curiosity was pricked. Not that she was a terrible person or some wicked vile criminal, but I knew she was not a believer (back in middle school anyway). Amazing how we hold on to our view of other people by what we knew of them years ago and think they are the same person now. I am ashamed to say I was not the testimony of Christ likeness that I should have been in my middle school days. This particular person commented that she remembers going to church with my family. That took me totally unaware. I don't remember it at all, but now she is speaking of things like her brother in law “going home to be with the Lord" and "finding hope in God!" I praise God for the work He has done in her life and that he uses us in spite of our failures. I am glad he has allowed me to see a small glimpse of the way my life has touched another whether I remember it or not. What joy this has stirred in my own heart and spurred me on to being committed to bring my kids friends to church any chance we get. And to remember that it is God who changes hearts, but allows us to be a part if we will but be obedient! We may not see the effects our lives may have on another for years to come, and maybe never will on this earth, but may that not be our motivator to live the life that God asks of us. May my life always be a testimony of His great love for us!

Chewing on this

So, my mind has been wandering a bit in EVERY direction! I have to admit I have let it. I have not thought about what is TRUE and RIGHT and therefore it has only created more "off the wall things" to dwell on. So I started again this morning, A bit of "free time" for the mind and there it goes- straight for the drop off! Earlier I had someone else at the house who was struggling and my counsel to them was to take every thought captive, to reign in those thoughts that are not true, and not to dwell on them. I could blame it on hormones, or the pregnancy, or the actions of those around me, but I know it is my decision! To let my mind and those thoughts overwhelm me. Shame of me for letting the worst of my sinful nature to rule in my mind for any length of time! So now for a bit of my own medicine- This day I will be obedient to Christ! I will think on things that are pure, lovely, of good report, those things that are right and true, the things of Christ!! I will not let sin reign in my mortal body!

Well, we are three months out. Little Elijah is a mover and a shaker for sure! It is so cool to feel all his little (and not so little) movements. We had our second ultrasound and he is beautiful, and if you know me at all you know that is saying something! On the one hand I can’t wait for is arrival, but on the other…… I am more nervous now than I was with any of the others! I’m not sure exactly why the nerves are playing these evil games, I tell Jack that ignorance really is bliss, and now I just know a little more than I did then. I realize many of the ways I’ve messed up in the past and don’t want a repeat, maybe it’s the talk of a C section (not afraid of the giant gash across my belly, just the huge needle!) Or Maybe I’m nervous because of the simple fact that I hurt now! My back bugs me, my ribs feel as if they were going to crack, and my gut feels like I’m going to lose him when I walk. (sooooo glad I had three in my 20’s!) I have been so enjoying my talks and laughs with Victoria lately I don’t want to lose that precious time with her. She is growing up so fast! Paige and Jamin can still entertain themselves for the whole day outside and I love to sit and watch them. The other day I sat in the basement and just watched as the three of them spent a couple hours building a city out of construction paper. From paper dolls, dogs and cars, down to beds and furniture made out of napkins! They have all been so helpful lately. Jamin even got the Windex and started washing windows for me (granted, it was with the dirty, watery, sloppy washcloth out of the sink, but he was trying!!) They all realize that mom needs a good cry just about everyday for no apparent reason. I think they have put money down on who can spot the tears first! With so many thoughts and emotions going through my head lately, So many fears and worries, doubts and regrets, and so many times I have had to take them to the Lord, I have come to the conclusion that my faith must be growing!! If God thinks I can handle all of this, I’m CERTAIN it must be!

Thrills in the Chill

I woke up this morning to another snow day! Yesterday made perfect sense, the wind was awful, the roads were covered in six inches of snowy slush, the snow was still coming down and I wanted a day to sled with the kids in the snow! But Today!?? The roads are mostly cleared save a small patch of ice here and there. The sun is shinning brilliantly, and it is no longer snowing! Why no school today? All you Michiganders would laugh at us! Although in Michigan we would’ve had school yesterday as well! (It must be that the county workers are so good in Michigan:)
I am of the thinking that there need be at least two good heavy snow falls a season, but that they only last a couple of days! Just enough to make everything look pretty, sled with the kids, start a fire in the pit and drink hot chocolate! Which is exactly what we did yesterday? It was a good day, the kids all had a friend over, Paige had an extra one stop by, Jack was able to be home with us and the kids were dead tired when it was time for bed! Although I found that actually getting ON the sled with a huge belly is a lot harder than I thought it would be, it sure was fun going down the hill. Jamin is getting very good on a snow board! He makes it all the way down the hill and over the ramp on his feet! Steve brought over a snowball maker, so they had a huge snowball fight. Tori and Julie quit so I took their left over snowballs and pegged the boys! (my personal highlight of the day) We filled our bellies with a huge pan of lasagna and about 500 cookies! Just what a snow day should be!
Well Tyler is over today and they are all back outside. Mom however is ready for spring to come!

Happy times

I just had three of the best days I have had in a while! The weather was perfect, the air smells of spring, the coffee tasted good and the company was the best! My energy has come back and I even played basketball with the kids again. Jamin kept bumping into Elijah (not real sure he enjoyed it) but Jamin rubbed my belly and apologized often.
Jack has made me laugh so much these past days my cheeks hurt and my stomach aches! We finally found a movie that was funny and clean! (haven't found one of those in a long time.) Something about these last days has reminded me of my dating days (with Jack) and while we have had an awesome marriage (no complaints) there is just something special about those days when we were dating; the smells, the laughs, the butterflies, the total attention and devotion to each other! I can't put my finger on the ONE thing that has brought back those wonderful memories, but I love my man, and I will miss him this weekend.

Gifts even after Christmas

Well, it's been almost three months (I think) since we found out we are having another child!! There are times I still can't believe it's true (until Paige comes up giggling and rubs my belly). I am pretty sure I am not suppose to be this big yet, and Jack keeps saying it's because there are two inside me. ONE is a huge surprise, I'm not sure I could wrap my head around TWO (not yet anyway)! God has been so good through the whole thing. (surprise, surprise) While my selfishness rears it's ugly head, He gently reminds me life is not about me! When worry gets the best of me, He shows me He already has everything worked out and softly reminds me to simply trust! When the tears are rolling for no apparent reason and I feel like a sloth, He assures me His strength is sufficient! When I have doubts about being able to raise another baby, I remember It's only because of Christ that I am able at all! If I were to look at all the mistakes I've made already on my children, the task of doing it again seems too great for me, and yet I know God will grant all I need! So Thankful I have the One True God on my side! I cannot wait for our new precious one to arrive!