Vernal Lucidity

Faithful to the end

2011-03-01T09:06:00.000-08:00

So I was reading about a guy the other day and it struck me in a way it hadn't before. You may know of him or even read about him yourself, but this dude is like no other. First of all he wore a leather belt, not that it is strange in our day for a man to sport such a belt, but when he lived I am assuming everyone else was wearing rope belts which is why a leather one was so strange. Not only that but here he is(i imagine him sitting on a rock out in the desert) dipping locust into some wild honey and eating it! Just like I would with a bag of chips and dip. Pretty sure locust and honey weren't on any sort of normal menu in those days. This guy was far from "normal." Yet all this set aside and that is not the wierdest part of this man. The strangest thing about him is that.....HE HAD FOLLOWERS!! And I'm not talking just a few friends that hung out with him. This dude was popular! Most of you know I'm talking about John the Baptist, and here is what struck me the other day; Ch. 3:27 says A person cannot recieve one thing unless it is given to him from heaven. We've heard it before I know, but if you look earlier in the chapter This guys followers were leaving him. They were crossing the river to be with the new dude on the other side. One of his friends asks of him "dude, what are you gonna do, your friends are leaving you!" And John simply has an attitude of Thanks! His whole purpose in life was to point others to Christ and that is exactly what he did! I am pretty sure my heart would've revealed my selfishness and jealousy. Not John! Just a heart of simple obedience and surrender. John was later put in prison and beheaded, I can only imagine that by this time all his followers had deserted him, and yet he was faithful to the end!!!

Things I never want to run out of ........again!

2010-09-20T16:53:00.001-07:00

Sunny skies on a camping trip

T.P. in a public stall

Gas in the car headed.......anywhere

A good hardy laugh

Marshmallows at a cookout

Air in the air mattress while you sleep

Money at a restauraunt after you've eaten

Time with my main man

Propane when the burgers are only half done

Water in the swimming pool

Stool softeners right after having a kid

Ink, mid-letter

Good memories

Wet wipes during a diaper change

Milk when you just bought the GOOD cereal

Air to the lungs while exercising

Toothpaste first thing in the morning

Laundry soap when my closet is empty

Solution for the contacts

Energy before three in the afternoon

Tears when I still feel like crying

Electricity right after going to the grocery

A good book to read

A cool breeze while laying in the hammock

A hammock

What's in your heeaad, in your heeaad??

2010-06-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

I think I’m having a mid life crisis and if my math is right that means I only live to be 70 and that seems WAY too long to go on in my current state! (Is that a run-on, because it sounds like it in my head)? My oldest daughter and I can sit and have adult conversation, which for her doesn’t seem a big deal, but I can picture her barely up to my knee, stitches on her eyebrow and in her raspy little voice telling me “Scar do that!” Paige can bake like nobody’s business which is all well and good till I envision her with beetles crawling all over each hand (all of whom were named angel) and telling Little Sal that “It’s ok, they don’t bite they just tickle!” Jamin is so extremely gentle with his little brother and yet everyday I see him banging, shooting, or lightsabering some imaginary villain in the back yard! Is it possible that I have been married to my hunk of studliness for almost half of my life? Life goes way too fast and yet there are times when I can’t wait to hear the trumpets!! And both of those feelings can happen within a minute of each other! Lots of good things happening and I don't want to miss a single one! I need a nap!

Plastic flowers

2010-05-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

My husband bought me flowers the other day! Now it isn’t what you are thinking. It wasn’t living and didn’t smell, but it was my favorite flower non-the-less, and here’s why.
Jack and I often talk about how my tastes change from day to day. And just about the time I convince him to start liking something, like camping, or eating at Subway, I don’t like it anymore. (Now please cut me some slack, I am not TRYING to be disagreeable, or make things complicated, my tastes just change sometimes). Anyway, the other day he brought me my favorite flower. A daisy, on a water bottle! Now I must confess, the daisy is not my favorite flower to look at anymore (I now enjoy calla lilies), but this was my favorite for other reasons! The daisy is the first flower he ever gave to me, and not just one, but a whole bed full of them! That was a very good day. In fact, those daisies are still in a box in the attic! Another reason the daisy is my favorite is because they are also the flower I chose for our wedding. Not as timeless as a rose or as charming as a carnation, but just simple, clean, white daisies. The third reason I love my daisy is because it was so unexpected! I knew he was thinking of me, and for that reason the daisy will always be my favorite, no matter if it isn’t.

"Working mom??"

2010-04-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

Props to all you working moms! I honestly don’t know how you do it! I was at the sink the other day after a rather long day wondering what I was going to do for dinner. I was tired, emotional, and honestly not feeling like doing anything! Then my mind began to think of all those moms out there who work all day, come home and still get the house cleaned and the kids cared for AND dinner! Amazing to me! You are my heroes!
Recently it has been suggested that I get a job.(suggested not by my husband, if that were the case there would be no thought.) Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about that. (Thus my thoughts at the sink)
First thought, my skills are so very lacking! I went to college to marry my hunk of studliness and found him the first year! I followed him to Liberty and took classes that I enjoyed like sign language(and were easy). Not to mention my brain only works on a short term basis, so all that I learned for the tests have now escaped my mind! Therefore I have no education degree or ANY degree for that matter to “fall back on”.
Where in the world could I work to earn even half enough to pay for child care? I do have a nine month old and I am pretty particular about his care! Sure I could work the grocery, but between gas and babysitter- there goes my paycheck!
Jack and I talked before ever getting married that we wanted me home for our children. No babysitters or day care, just mom home for whenever and whatever they needed! We knew that would not always be easy and sure we don’t live like most, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything! I did have a job after the three oldest were in school and before the fourth came along, but even then, I left after they did and was always home before they were! That is just the way we chose to do it!
So I am left wondering, is this just my selfishness rationalizing or justifying in my head? Am I being less of a mom because I don’t work? Am I cheating my family of some “extras”? Am I taking full advantage of being at home? Am I too comfortable where I am? Many question for me to think about and I definitely will. But while I think and even change some things, I will continue my “work” at home, in the home.

2010-04-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

During my walks for the past month or so I have been going through the alphabet and meditating on the characters and attributes of God, trying to think about only one that stands out on any given day. The other day as I was nearing the end of the alphabet, I was thinking about the letter X and something that went along with it.” eXtreme” is what I came up with. The more I thought about it, the more eXtreme I realized my God is!
He is the first and the Last.
He is beginning and the end.
He kills and brings to life.
He is the king of kings and the servant of all.
He is Love and a God of wrath.
He makes poor and he makes rich.
He brings low and exalts.
He is close and yet unreachable.
He is written in creation and yet unfathomable.
He is humble, yet jealous.
He is meek and He is mighty.
He is obedient and the maker of the rules.
He takes vengeance and is the giver of grace.
He knows all yet knew no sin.
He is the forgiver of all yet never needs forgiveness.

I am certain that this list is not exhaustive and I will spend many days pondering the eXtremeness of my God. But no matter how eXtreme He is, I am sure that no one is like Him! No one measures up! My God is eXtreme!!!

seeing all the way to hell

2010-03-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

Part of my quiet time has been from the book of John. I was reading the other day the story of the blind man whom Jesus healed. You know, the one where the religious leaders got upset with Jesus for healing someone. (I know they got upset at everything he did, but bear with me.)Everyone accused the man of deserving his disability because naturally the man was in sin or maybe it was the sin of his parents. The man was born blind. Never able to see. I wonder at what age did his parents kick him out? How long had he been on the streets alone? Did he have any relationship with his parents at all? The Bible doesn't always fill in the details, but as I was reading these thoughts are going through my mind. What makes a parent dismiss their child? What makes a parent leave their child in the hands of the accusing Jews?
Then the good news came. I got to verse 35 and it jumped out at me. God pursues us!!
Jesus heals the man. Job done right? Not even close for our Great God! Healing the physical is not the important thing for him. Vs. 35 says Jesus HEARD that they (the Jews) cast him out, and HAVING FOUND him, he said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"
Jesus HEARD, CARED, and SOUGHT the man out to gain his soul! So why do I think doing the bear minimum is enough? How many blind am I "healing" without reaching their soul for Christ!!

2010-01-05T06:27:00.000-08:00

When the first surprise came after nine years I battled mixed emotions. I was excited about one more, scared of the pain, nervous about the expense, fearful of my inabilities, wondering where we were going to put everyone and yet knowing I could trust my God. The idols of my heart were exposed in so many different areas and growth took place (in more than one way). Now six months with my precious gift and I can’t remember why I struggled so much. The joy that Elijah has brought to our family is immeasurable. The smiles and the love that emanates within these walls is breathtaking! So this second little “surprise” comes much easier! We are looking forward to adding once again to the family and loving the idea of Elijah having a playmate closer to his own age! (And I thought the girls were close together!) Excited about watching this little one grow inside and hear the giggles from the other three as they feel her (or him) kick and move. So thirteen years after my first precious treasure comes a fifth!

A Huge Sigh of Relief

2009-11-20T07:23:00.001-08:00

Well I have just come through one of the most stressful weeks I have had in a very long time! First, I had to make a decision for the whole family! Not just my immediate five but the seven other siblings along with their families, and mom and dad! Everyone was so gracious and didn't care where we went but I was facing a midnight deadline, two great options with benefits to either, and the possibility of putting us all in the poor house and unable to take another vacation EVER! I made it through that day only to face what I have been fearing for well over a month!
I had to speak to a huge group of moms yesterday morning and I have been sick to my stomach since Tuesday! I have not slept well and changed the outline fifty times since I was first asked to do it. I am not sure what I said, the whole talk is a blurr. So on the way home after the talk, which by the way I shook the WHOLE way through, I felt as if I would throw up. Tori just laughed at me. Once again I blame Cedar for my fears. Not once in my schooling did I have to speak in front of anyone or give an oral report or anything like that! Once again I was taken out of my place of comfort to be stretched by the maker! While I am thrilled at what he taught me through it all (a lot of time spent in prayer!) I never want to do that again!!

Winning motivates

2009-11-10T06:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a perfect day! The weather was sunny and warm. Elijah got a good nap in the great outdoors, and Paige didn't get stung. (even tho the bees were busy and definitely after our lemonade!) We packed up the car and a lunch and took a trip over to Wilmington to do some climbing. It's a great spot! The river sounds in the background, picnic area, trails, the whole bit. We played a little soccer and some football after the climbing was complete. I hiked up and around the back twice and thought for sure I would die. (I am in need of some serious exercise!!) All three kids topped out at about 110 feet! They all were motivated by something different, one in paticular for the sheer enjoyment of beating her sister! I guess it runs in the family--tennis is coming!!

2009-11-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

Life has been a roller coaster ride for quite some time now and I don’t think the ride will be stopping anytime soon. I am getting a bit sick and wish the remedy were as simple as throwing up and feeling better. My spinning head has slightly slowed down only to start spinning like a top once again. There are times when I feel like I am floating on a chunk of ice in the middle of a freezing ocean with no landing in sight. When my feet are not planted on this ice chunk, I feel as if they are being lifted and blown around like a kite in a wind storm. Sleep evades me and my dreams chase me as if I were in a marathon that never ends. My calendar is like trying to put queen size sheets on a king size bed—no matter how you turn it there isn’t enough room! My list of to do’s is ever growing and yet keeps disappearing. And there is no one to remind me what’s on the list!
So because of all this- I am CERTAIN I birthed some brain cells!

2009-08-01T16:35:00.001-07:00

Last night I got to watch my hunk of studliness play soccer outside! He has been playing all summer (when he is able) but this was my first game this year due to a certain someone named Elijah. Can I just say I was so proud of my husband! Not because he scored a lot, or kept the team working together, not because he made some AWESOME runs from the back, and can still run with the best of them, not because he can slide tackle a man and get up so quickly and stealthily that the ref doesn't know what just happened. Not because his teammates say they need him to stay in because they get scored on when he's out, not for any of these reasons alone. But I am proud of my man because of the man he is at home to me and our children! Sure, watching him play soccer does stir a bit of pride in me, but the greater pride comes while listening to him read a story with the kids piled on his lap. Or watching him show Jamin how to open the doors for ladies by opening my door. I am proud when he willingly takes up the extra cleaning around the house because I am unable. Or when he pulls out the bible and reads to our children.I smile when he tells one of the kids to get mom some ice cream or make mom some coffee! I am proud when he teaches our children to be thoughtful of others by giving up his seat, or simply playing a game that he doesn't feel like playing at the moment. I am proud to be Mrs. Jack klose in so many ways! I don't have to get to the soccer field for that, I can simply go to my back yard and watch soccer being played by dad and his kids!

Questions concerning face book.

2009-06-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

Face book. Upon joining face book I must admit I wasn't thrilled, just another thing to occupy my time and another system to figure out. (Which by the way they decide to change more often than not just to keep you busy with it.)
"FRIENDS"
When you take a good look at face book it would appear that any one person has hundreds and hundreds of friends- but can this really be the case? Can classmates from 3rd grade, whom you haven't spoken to in 30 years, really be considered a "friend?" Doesn't there have to be some form of communication between two people to be called friends? I think I even have some on my page that I don't even know or cannot place! Are these people really my "friends"?
"REQUESTS"
I have never in my life had someone who formally "requested" to be my friend and yet here on face book this is a regular occurrence! Should one ever, in any relationship, have to "request" to be your friend? I cannot remember a time when I went up to someone and said something like "I have only known you for a short while, but may I request to be your friend? This I am sure would send some running in the opposite direction!
"IGNORE"
I would never purposefully "ignore" my friend, yet once again that is an option for any "friend" I have on face book. I can ignore them any time I want! Now granted, there have been some times while speaking to friends that my mind has wandered and my focus was not completely with them, but to purposefully tell myself I am going to ignore them- I have never done.
Now, before you call me a hypocrite I admit, I do have a face book, I do go on it occasionally, I do have many "friends" (and have even ignored some) I have "requested" some friends as well. But it just makes me wonder- how many true friends do I have out there? How often have I been "ignored" without even knowing it? And am I just part of a status symbol to be added to someones friend list to make them appear as though they have more friends than the next guy? Face book.......hum..

I do have childhood memories!

2009-05-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

So today I was sitting in the living room watching Jamin and Paige wrestle. This is a common occurrence in the Klose home. Paige was winning when out of nowhere Jamin scrunches up his face, takes the stance and screams out RAAAAAHHHHHHH as he charges. It is at this point that Paige loses all control because she is laughing so hard and Jamin is able to defeat her. A few minutes later as they are both recovering Paige says through her giggles "Jamin, you know that saying that word doesn't make you stronger." Right then I myself begin to laugh hysterically. I actually have a childhood memory and it is so similar! You see, I too fought with my brothers and sisters, (o.k. mostly the sisters) and one particular sister, (I will keep her idenity secret) who, like Jamin thought one word would give her "super strength". Anybody remember that word..... TOTAL! We would be in the midst of fighting and at any given time she would shout out TOTAL and would go crazy!! Just flailing like a mad girl, every limb swinging and of coarse, she would at that point win because the opponent was too busy laughing to defend herself. She swore for many years that the word gave her super strength and she could fight anybody and win. Oh, the joys of watching my children fight!

Lessons from Paige

2009-05-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well today was the day. Paige and four friends came here after school for her first Bible study! She and a friend Abby came up with the idea, got together to plan where in the Bible they would start, what game they would play to get the point across, what time parents would pick up their girls, the whole thing! I was pretty impressed with what they came up with. They were going to start with the Romans road, (their desire in all of this is for their friends to know Christ!)The next step was for them to start in Genesis. Jack and I both have offered help, but Paige and Abby seem pretty confident and have done the planning faithfully. (her independence here is killing me!) My prayer in all of this is that Paige and Abby would have the boldness to press on, even if, no... WHEN persecution comes. I also pray that they would see the fruit of their labor and that they would grow to be more like Christ because of this. What a proud moment for me as a mom, and yet, I recognize that it's all by the grace of God!

These are a few of my favorite things

2009-05-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the sun sipping iced tea, wathcing the kids play.
walking the park with Jack.(really doing anything, anywhere with him.)
Cheering on the kids with hubby in whatever sport they're in.
floating on my raft in the pool all alone.
a giant gilatti, mango if they have it.
listening to the kids talk when they don't know I'm listening.
a hiking trip with the family.
getting together with the sisters. (I like the brothers too!)
a real good book
a good workout followed by a good long bath.
my hammock.
rocking on the back porch.
a big snow and sledding with the kids. (followed with some hot chocholate.)
being the one my kids run to for comfort.
those special talks with my kids.
getting an unexpected check in the mail.
picking strawberries and blueberries.
finding a good deal at the grocery.
accomplishing anything!
being able to complete a thought!

The necessities of motherhood

2009-05-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

Down to six weeks left! Where has the time gone? My family surprised me with a long distance shower for mothers day last week! Thanks to everyone who participated, and for Dana the organizer (we always needed one of those in our family!) It's crazy how God just takes care of everything! We were almost 9 years removed from the baby scene, can't believe how much has changed over the years! I have already given blood 4 times! (as opposed to once with the others) I have had 4 ultrasounds, not just one. I have to get an IV automatically upon going in to have the baby! No needles before! Is it just Jersey or what!!! This is just a few differences for me, now for baby: They have plastic or net coverings for strollers and pack n plays. They have not just three or four, but 72 varieties of bottles spoons and plates, there is a toy in every fabric and color, but you need a different one every month for your changing baby. One can match your car seat with your wall border for the kids nursery at home! The swings for babies are loaded! They come again in any color or pattern one would desire, they vibrate, play music, have lights, toys hanging from them, battery or plug option, raise and lower options. It's crazy! Lets touch on the cosmetic end of having a baby- rows and rows and rows of shampoos, lotions, oils! Apparently depending one the season or the shape of the moon, your baby has the option of 86 different lotions! Then we come to the food and snacks! Now I am all about food, but they've taken graham crackers, made them little and boxed them with a cute baby on the front and sell them for three times the cost of regular graham crackers! Babies get their own fruit snacks, their own cereal, their own fruit and veggies, It's amazing! I must say that Gerber has done quite well for themselves! Because I am going to be a new mom again I have been watching moms a little more closely. They can't seem to go anywhere without two diaper bags per kid, along with a bag full of toys and snacks just in case!! They can't seem to plan their day because they never know what the baby will want or when he or she will want to lay down or if they'll be cranky. The gates and locks for kids are for any and everything you could think of. They even have a toilet seat lock! With all this craziness it's no wonder moms are stressed! For me and my house we will survive with a dog and a blanket!

Old friend, New sister

2009-04-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

I heard from an old friend the other day. I say old because the last time I talked to her was in middle school. We continued high school together, but never spoke to one another there. That was probably my fault, but my memory is only as good as what I write down or what I had for breakfast today. If memory serves me right thou I was not the most popular, nor the most athletic, I wasn't the most beautiful or most likely to succeed. I didn't hang out with a lot of people outside of school, but got along with just about everyone during school. I was shocked when this person commented on face book and asked if she could pray for me! My curiosity was pricked. Not that she was a terrible person or some wicked vile criminal, but I knew she was not a believer (back in middle school anyway). Amazing how we hold on to our view of other people by what we knew of them years ago and think they are the same person now. I am ashamed to say I was not the testimony of Christ likeness that I should have been in my middle school days. This particular person commented that she remembers going to church with my family. That took me totally unaware. I don't remember it at all, but now she is speaking of things like her brother in law “going home to be with the Lord" and "finding hope in God!" I praise God for the work He has done in her life and that he uses us in spite of our failures. I am glad he has allowed me to see a small glimpse of the way my life has touched another whether I remember it or not. What joy this has stirred in my own heart and spurred me on to being committed to bring my kids friends to church any chance we get. And to remember that it is God who changes hearts, but allows us to be a part if we will but be obedient! We may not see the effects our lives may have on another for years to come, and maybe never will on this earth, but may that not be our motivator to live the life that God asks of us. May my life always be a testimony of His great love for us!

Chewing on this

2009-04-15T10:22:00.001-07:00

So, my mind has been wandering a bit in EVERY direction! I have to admit I have let it. I have not thought about what is TRUE and RIGHT and therefore it has only created more "off the wall things" to dwell on. So I started again this morning, A bit of "free time" for the mind and there it goes- straight for the drop off! Earlier I had someone else at the house who was struggling and my counsel to them was to take every thought captive, to reign in those thoughts that are not true, and not to dwell on them. I could blame it on hormones, or the pregnancy, or the actions of those around me, but I know it is my decision! To let my mind and those thoughts overwhelm me. Shame of me for letting the worst of my sinful nature to rule in my mind for any length of time! So now for a bit of my own medicine- This day I will be obedient to Christ! I will think on things that are pure, lovely, of good report, those things that are right and true, the things of Christ!! I will not let sin reign in my mortal body!

2009-04-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well, we are three months out. Little Elijah is a mover and a shaker for sure! It is so cool to feel all his little (and not so little) movements. We had our second ultrasound and he is beautiful, and if you know me at all you know that is saying something! On the one hand I can’t wait for is arrival, but on the other…… I am more nervous now than I was with any of the others! I’m not sure exactly why the nerves are playing these evil games, I tell Jack that ignorance really is bliss, and now I just know a little more than I did then. I realize many of the ways I’ve messed up in the past and don’t want a repeat, maybe it’s the talk of a C section (not afraid of the giant gash across my belly, just the huge needle!) Or Maybe I’m nervous because of the simple fact that I hurt now! My back bugs me, my ribs feel as if they were going to crack, and my gut feels like I’m going to lose him when I walk. (sooooo glad I had three in my 20’s!) I have been so enjoying my talks and laughs with Victoria lately I don’t want to lose that precious time with her. She is growing up so fast! Paige and Jamin can still entertain themselves for the whole day outside and I love to sit and watch them. The other day I sat in the basement and just watched as the three of them spent a couple hours building a city out of construction paper. From paper dolls, dogs and cars, down to beds and furniture made out of napkins! They have all been so helpful lately. Jamin even got the Windex and started washing windows for me (granted, it was with the dirty, watery, sloppy washcloth out of the sink, but he was trying!!) They all realize that mom needs a good cry just about everyday for no apparent reason. I think they have put money down on who can spot the tears first! With so many thoughts and emotions going through my head lately, So many fears and worries, doubts and regrets, and so many times I have had to take them to the Lord, I have come to the conclusion that my faith must be growing!! If God thinks I can handle all of this, I’m CERTAIN it must be!

Thrills in the Chill

2009-03-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to another snow day! Yesterday made perfect sense, the wind was awful, the roads were covered in six inches of snowy slush, the snow was still coming down and I wanted a day to sled with the kids in the snow! But Today!?? The roads are mostly cleared save a small patch of ice here and there. The sun is shinning brilliantly, and it is no longer snowing! Why no school today? All you Michiganders would laugh at us! Although in Michigan we would’ve had school yesterday as well! (It must be that the county workers are so good in Michigan:)
I am of the thinking that there need be at least two good heavy snow falls a season, but that they only last a couple of days! Just enough to make everything look pretty, sled with the kids, start a fire in the pit and drink hot chocolate! Which is exactly what we did yesterday? It was a good day, the kids all had a friend over, Paige had an extra one stop by, Jack was able to be home with us and the kids were dead tired when it was time for bed! Although I found that actually getting ON the sled with a huge belly is a lot harder than I thought it would be, it sure was fun going down the hill. Jamin is getting very good on a snow board! He makes it all the way down the hill and over the ramp on his feet! Steve brought over a snowball maker, so they had a huge snowball fight. Tori and Julie quit so I took their left over snowballs and pegged the boys! (my personal highlight of the day) We filled our bellies with a huge pan of lasagna and about 500 cookies! Just what a snow day should be!
Well Tyler is over today and they are all back outside. Mom however is ready for spring to come!

Happy times

2009-02-13T12:03:00.000-08:00

I just had three of the best days I have had in a while! The weather was perfect, the air smells of spring, the coffee tasted good and the company was the best! My energy has come back and I even played basketball with the kids again. Jamin kept bumping into Elijah (not real sure he enjoyed it) but Jamin rubbed my belly and apologized often.
Jack has made me laugh so much these past days my cheeks hurt and my stomach aches! We finally found a movie that was funny and clean! (haven't found one of those in a long time.) Something about these last days has reminded me of my dating days (with Jack) and while we have had an awesome marriage (no complaints) there is just something special about those days when we were dating; the smells, the laughs, the butterflies, the total attention and devotion to each other! I can't put my finger on the ONE thing that has brought back those wonderful memories, but I love my man, and I will miss him this weekend.

Gifts even after Christmas

2009-01-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been almost three months (I think) since we found out we are having another child!! There are times I still can't believe it's true (until Paige comes up giggling and rubs my belly). I am pretty sure I am not suppose to be this big yet, and Jack keeps saying it's because there are two inside me. ONE is a huge surprise, I'm not sure I could wrap my head around TWO (not yet anyway)! God has been so good through the whole thing. (surprise, surprise) While my selfishness rears it's ugly head, He gently reminds me life is not about me! When worry gets the best of me, He shows me He already has everything worked out and softly reminds me to simply trust! When the tears are rolling for no apparent reason and I feel like a sloth, He assures me His strength is sufficient! When I have doubts about being able to raise another baby, I remember It's only because of Christ that I am able at all! If I were to look at all the mistakes I've made already on my children, the task of doing it again seems too great for me, and yet I know God will grant all I need! So Thankful I have the One True God on my side! I cannot wait for our new precious one to arrive!

stubborn or just frugal?

2008-10-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

I refuse to turn my heat on! My nose is red, but I will not turn my heat on. My toes could crack off at any given moment, but the heat will not go on. My fingers can barely move on the keyboard, but the heat will not be moved by me! I can almost see my breath inside, but the thermostat will stay where it is.

I think I'll go out in the sun to warm up some.

Choosing between the two

2008-09-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

Most decision are made with little to no thought. I will push snooze just one more time. I'm having eggs for breakfast. I'll have tea this morning instead of coffee. I think I'll take a bath not a shower. I'll change the living room around (again). Walk or ride? cake or ice cream? jeans or shorts? All decisions with very little thought behind them. But what happens when it comes to the bigger issues? When there are two ways to go and neither of them wrong or sinful? Which path do we trod? Both have their advantages as well as disadvantages. Both have bumps along the way and ruts to avoid. Both offer some sort of comfort as well as discomfort. There will be tears shed regardless of the choice. And there is always the unknown just around the bend which you can't see until you're on the path. Which way do we go when God would be honored in either? How is the final decision decided? When there's no going back can we be certain? A true test of faith is always in a decision.

Embrace tattle telling

2008-09-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

Names are made up to protect the innocent (or in this case the guilty!)
Today I am thanking God for Tattletales! My whole life I have spent with the awful acknowledgement that I was a tattletale! Knowing I was the cause of so much torture for my siblings has often brought feelings of regret or sorrow. I spied on my sister kissing her boyfriends in the yard,so I HAD to tell. I found contraband in their secret places and was quick to the whistle, I was guilt-ridden for seeing a movie and couldn't wait to free myself by telling mom and dad that "they" forced me to go. I snuck somewhere I wasn't suppose to be and couldn't last a night before confessing. I was always quick to tell, even on myself. It struck me today that as a mom, I long for a tattletale! We recently had and incident with one of our daughters that I wish we had found out about sooner. If only we had a tattletale like me! All these years of guilt and anguish only to realize Tattle telling is GREAT! And down deep my siblings are thanking me for it! RIGHT?!?!?!?!?

life on the road

2008-07-30T08:40:00.001-07:00

Well I didn't get my thirteen days in a row with Jack, but I did get to take a road trip to Kansas City with my dear friend. Jenn is moving to Kansas City to begin her new life, new job, new friends, and so much more with her soon to be new husband. This road trip however did not prove to be as adventurous as others. You see Jenn has driven more than once in a uhaul with our family and there always seems to be something that goes....well, lets just say not as planned. My trip with Jenn had no live animals, no tire blow outs, no waiting for hours and hours for help to arrive, no cramping into hotel rooms where the only good place to sleep was the bathtub, no non-stop crying that only began when we stopped to rest, no 100 plus degree weather without air condition, no diapers to change or stops that we had to remind someone repeatedly not to touch anything in the bathroom. We did not stop at a subway (didn't dare) and we made it there in record time! This trip however did leave me with memories I will not soon forget. I always love my time with Aunt Jenny and I will miss her dearly. I certainly look forward to our next road trip together.

2008-07-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Well life has been a whirlwind the last month or so, and I am ready for my sweet hunk to return to me! I must say though this past week has been one of me laying in the pool and playing with the kids. And while that's all good and fine, it just doesn't feel the same when my best friend is in another country. We just celebrated 13 years together and I cannot wait for the next 13! (right now however I would be happy with 13 days in a row with him) He comes home sometime tomorrow and I am waiting! I would not have pictured my life like this 13 years ago, New Jersey, three kids, a pastors wife. And yet there is no way I would ever change the people I am spending it with! The times we must be apart are only bearable because of the amazing times we share when we are together.

gearing up for summer

2008-03-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

Looks as though another busy summer is soon approaching. I love the summertime. I love working outside in the gardens, watching things grow. (okay, so more watching and less weeding would be great! Kinda like the pool, I want more swimming, scratch that, FLOATING and less vacuuming.)

The older I get the more I find that life is work! A bike ride to get ice cream used to be fun, now it's harder to get there and I have to exercise more just to get the ice cream off the hips! Making mud pies and cabbage rolls of mud and leaves used to be awesome! Now, there's the laundry and the floors to mop when the mud pies are done. Although it may be more work for me now, I wouldn't trade a bike ride and a pie fight with my family for anything!!

More injuries to come

2008-02-29T12:46:00.000-08:00

So my little brother is getting married! I am so excited for him. Whitney doesn't know me and I am looking forward to getting to meet her for the first time. I thought this would be a good time to share some of my Kabe moments with you. My first memories of Kaleb was in the pool. I would set him up on the side and He world jump in to me. I will never forget when he slipped off backwards and split his cheek open. Blood running everywhere, me scared half to death. Do you swim anymore kabe? Then there was the time he sanded off his fingers at school in wood shop class. That was fun. I get a call from Kristi saying "kaleb cut off his fingers and they wont let him go home." (Kaleb still has all ten working fingers, last I knew at least) Or how about the time he decided to knee it down the concrete hill- Do you still have rocks in your knees kabe? Kaleb was always cool headed about all of it. While blood splurts out everywhere, fingers flying, sisters freaking out, Kabe is smooth as a river rock. So whitney, the kid is prone to injuries, but dont worry, he will keep his head about him! Love you kabe!

child like faith

2008-01-05T18:39:00.000-08:00

Okay, so we had another “only with Jamin” moment. The other day while doing homework with the kids at the table, Jack noticed something black behind Jamin’s new front tooth. (He lost his two front teeth and they are just starting to grow back.) I looked and after a moment of nausea, I could look no longer. We asked Jamin what it was and he didn’t know. I thought for sure he was going to lose his permanent tooth. It was awful. I was on my way out the door (the fresh air being necessary at the time.) When I arrived back home I was greeted with the news that Jamin had remembered what was in his tooth, at school (two weeks ago) he was working with the plastic confetti (you know the silver circles and pink hearts) making me a Christmas tree. He must have got bored, again, and proceeded to see how many pieces he could shove between his tooth and gums. I got the tweezers and proceeded to pull out four- they just kept coming! There were still more that I could see but could not retrieve. As I put Jamin to bed that night I was explaining that the dentist may have to cut his gums open to get them out, his response was “it’s okay mom, I prayed that it wouldn’t hurt.” And he slept better than I did!We were praying maybe in the morning they would work themselves out more and I could remove them. That however did not happen. I could actually see less of them. The next morning I made an appointment with the dentist. He was able to retrieve the two remaining circle and heart without cutting. He said, while laughing, he had to take a picture because this was so unusual.

What a reminder Jamins response was to me of simple child like faith. I wish I were more like my 7 year old son.

The sweet sound of silence

2007-11-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

So I started a blog the other day and by the third sentence I sounded pretty whacked out. So instead of scarring all of you (not that there is anyone to scare around here anymore) I thought I’d re-do and fit into the mold of Kami once again. So here goes ………………... ………………………………………………………………………….

(after hours of sitting with my fingers on the keyboard, birds chirping outside the window, and the low hum of the dryer, I came up with nothing.!)

Singing with my husband.

2007-09-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

As a kid I always dreamed of singing with my husband. There was never any doubt that I would, and the thought of it NOT happening never even enter my mind. I love music, I love to sing and so would my husband! That’s just the way it would be.

Now if you knew Jack when I first met him you may understand why I thought when I married him that it was just a dream, it would never happen and it was time to grow up.
Years later I’m not sure you could understand the pride and excitement I have when I see Jack leading worship, or singing a special in church. (for all you who knew Jack before I did, this really happens!) An even greater excitement comes when I get to be a part, singing with him! We have had the opportunity to sing together several times now and It has been awesome! I look forward to every chance I get.

A day with Victoria

2007-09-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a day to spend with my daughter Victoria. We laid around all day, ate when we felt like it, watched a movie played monopoly, and wore our sweat pants! (That alone makes for a good day.) It was just the two of us. However, this day began in the wee hours of the morning, when Victoria decided to have throw-up issues. Jack, like usual, did a great job with the sick kid. But when you have one in bed with you your own sleep seems to escape you. After a few rounds of her calling for mommy, going and checking to see if she made it and then climbing back into bed, Paige yells out that Jamin threw up on his bed. I go to check and sure enough, it's everywhere. He however was laying peacefully next to it completely unconcerned. I asked him why he didn't call me and he said "OH I thought you were asleep." The next morning he told Jack "I puked and then I felt better so I went to sleep." Jamin, you got to love him.

The butterscotch man

2007-08-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

Hey, do you guys remember Willie Spencer, or better known as the butterscotch man? I am always excited to capture a glimpse of my childhood (simply because I can’t remember much) and thoughts of Willie have recently brought a smile. He was an old wrinkly man with grubby fingernails and prickles all over his face. Everybody loved him. He always wore a trench coat with his hands folded behind his back as he walked and he never said a word. He was full of tricks and smiles. We didn’t know whether to be afraid and run or freeze and let him do what he did best. I’m not sure if we liked him because of the butter scotches he always put on our heads or the fact that he snuck up on us and did the old fashion tap you on the shoulder and go to the other side. The smile he had when he got you was unforgettable. Aah Willie. One couldn’t help but love him.

Home from Honduras and loving it.

2007-07-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

The trip to Honduras was wonderful. Outside of the jelly fish, attacking parrot, fire ants, malaria carrying mosquitoes, sand fleas and tarantulas there was nothing to fear. The Honduran kids were great (even the tough ones), the ocean was beautiful, the breeze was sent from heaven, the lodging couldn’t have been nicer, the showers were often over used (when they weren’t broken), the sunsets were awe inspiring, and the food was tasty, but what got me the most was our own teens! The way they desired to serve and get involved, the way they chose to share the gospel over cooling off with ice cream, the way they hugged and loved on those kids. The way they hated to leave. There is nothing better than seeing Christ in someone’s life and He was often seen during our week in Honduras

me a missionary????

2007-05-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

well, I'm missing my man immensely, but God has given me great times with the kids. They have been in the pool everyday since he left. we cannot wait until school is over. I also had the opportunity to talk with our neighbor about eternity the other day. we have been praying for an opportunity and I actually took advantage of the one God gave!! I have often prayed in the past for such opportunities only later to realize they've gone right by without me doing a thing. if you would pray along with me for our neighbors across the street, Emerson and Mary. He is in the hospital and Mary is not expecting him home. Shame on me for waiting so long!! They are in their mid 90's and her kids are now cleaning out the house that he was born in. I have offered to take her to visit her husband in the hospital, pray that I can and that I will have boldness in sharing Christ with both of them. With all of our neighbors actually, we are surrounded by unbelievers literally, pray that we would be a light to all of them.

caught staring

2007-05-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been thinking quite a lot about my hunk of studliness and am so amazed. I caught myself the other day just staring at him and smiling. When he caught me looking I must admit I felt a little childish and a little like those couples we used to make fun of at WOL. You know, the ones who would just sit and stare at the “other” with their dreamy eyes.
The love I felt for him at that moment was so immense, the thoughts and feelings I had were so strong and so many. Not that I don’t love him every minute of every day, but in that passing minute I got a glimpse of Jack. All the reasons I fell in love with him and all the reasons why I still love him. His dedication to his family, his enthusiasm in ministry, his one good joke, his “growing up” stories that I know by heart, the fact that he never tires of pointing out his old houses, the pink elephants he brings in the house, the way he can get the kids to laugh, his new found love of the outdoors, his loyalties that run so deep, his “nothing half-way” attitude, the fact that he is….. what did we call it Jon…. Oh yeah, “New Jersey”, his love of music and his willingness to learn it, that he still lets me beat him in tennis, he lets me be the “fun one” sometimes, and he lets me cry and laugh in the same minute and all he has to do is hug me, the way he talks me up so much to others and wont let anyone talk poorly of me (except for maybe my sisters).
There’s so much wrapped up in Jack and yet I quickly get distracted by the hustle of life and take for granted that which I treasure most here on earth. Life at times seems to blind me of who matters most to me, when what I really want to do is sit and stare.

2007-04-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

I woke up to a sad realization this morning. my close friend will not be returning for quite some time. I may not see her for another four years and communication between the two of us may be difficult for the duration. over the last year I have seen a lot of her and grown to love and appreciate her (and her family) more and more. she has been someone whom I can call at anytime and share my heart without feeling judged, condemned or simply misunderstood. we have shared so many laughs and tears with each other and through each struggle I know she's praying with and for me. she has come to visit often and I have loved every minute of it. I have watched her mother her child and have had the privilege of seeing her child grow and mature. she has encouraged me in many ways and inspired me often without words. there have been times when in my sinfulness I think I am the only one going through "struggles" and feel so very lonely but God always seems to remind me of His goodness to me. I not only have one dear sister and friend, God has graciously given me FOUR!!

summer's comin'

2007-03-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

I was eating an ice cream cone recently and contemplating the differences between sugar cones and regular cones. I am definitely for regular. Where Sugar cones tend to crumble and crack, never have a straight edge and often leak out the bottom leaving you messy and sticky, regular cones are perfectly suited for consumption. First you start by Eating the very tiny edge wetting your appetite for the remainder, this is followed by biting the large protruding portion of the cone which gives your taste buds enough to want to devour the rest in one huge bite- (but you fight the urge knowing that soon all will be as it should and you can lay back in the hammock to soak up the sun.) once again come the little nibbles to straighten all edges. this is a very critical step and must be done very carefully while pushing the ice cream into the furthest crevasses so every bite is filled with the creaming cool goodness. By this time the cone is the perfect size for going into the mouth to be bitten just above the squares at the bottom. Once again you go back to nibbling to smooth the edges before the last bite of all. Ahh! The perfect size so as to cover the inside of you mouth without being too big to be uncomfortable. You smash it with your tongue against the roof of your mouth to release the remainder of that refreshing flavor to every surface inch of your mouth. Total enjoyment! Totally un-messy, and totally worth every minute! Oh how I long for my hammock!

a dirty heart

2007-02-23T05:22:00.000-08:00

The heart is more desperately sick than all else, who can know it? I am thankful that the lord is so gracious in only revealing a small amount of my heart at a time, lest I be overwhelmed by the blackness of it. To realize that I don’t even know my own heart is a bit scary (especially when he shows me just a little.) And yet His patience as he reveals areas of weakness and sin while supplying the necessary items for change never cease to amaze me. On top of which he is always waiting and willing to help me all over again when I fall. I am so thankful to my lord for his patience, his never ending love, and his constant care for me and my dirty heart.

Experience Jersey

2007-02-02T05:46:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know we’ll be adding a deck to our pool this summer and it’s going to be great! So I officially invite all of you to come visit sometime during the summer to try out the new deck( It’s hard to make changes on something so big in size, but nothing is impossible.) And for all of you “used to be Michiganders” I think it’s time you came to visit! Then you would all be able to share in the joy of Jersey.

true friends

2007-01-24T15:22:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking about friends lately and what makes a good one. I came to the conclusion that a friend is someone that would never post anything (i.e. a picture of long ago) that might be embarrassing to one individual. I also thought that a true friend would never call another names such as "slacker", or "lazy" or imply she's been that way her whole life. A true friend would be willing to go the extra mile and post regardless of the business of life that has her so wrapped up she doesn't have a moment to type. A good friend would never compare her to a less fortunate individual (regardless of family relations). A true friend would give her the benefit of the doubt and let her have her mid-life crisis in peace without all the heckling...........do I have any true friends????

2007-01-08T07:42:00.000-08:00

So as not to disappoint big t, I will post.

It finally happened. I gave in, I just couldn't say no any longer. The pressure has been so great over the last four or five years and I have been weakening. I thought I was stronger than that. The will power was simply not enough. My determination to fight the good fight and not give in was powerless. I failed. miserable disappointment. my hair is gone.

simply scraps

2006-12-18T05:58:00.000-08:00

I pray for miracles, big miracles. And I often question myself. Should I be praying for these things? Am I worthy to ask? Do I deserve this? The answer; a big fat NO. But then I look at the miracles in the Bible. For instance, the woman whose daughter had an evil spirit (mark 7) what humbleness and yet there was such boldness. She understood that while what she asked of the Lord was HUGE in human eyes was only a “scrap of food” in His. What faith, what confidence, what mercy displayed by Christ. What generosity. What flexibility in His plan( after all she wasn’t a Jew) and yet it was just as He planned. My God never ceases to amaze me. I can come boldly knowing that He is the God of All Grace!

things that make me ask why

2006-12-11T06:46:00.000-08:00

Why is hugging such a big deal? Why do I change the color of my walls weekly? Why do I hate doing my hair? Why is putting on make-up so tasking? Why don’t I have a favorite color? Why is leading something (like a bible study or prayer group) so scary? Why do I always choose comfort over looking nice? why do I like naps? why don't I like animals? why does Jack put up with me?

lacking love

2006-12-04T07:37:00.000-08:00

LOVE, a topic I thought I was pretty good at.(see the pride?) then from every side, my quiet time, Sunday sermons, communication between friends, and every other way imaginable, Gods soft, and constant voice is showing me how much love I am lacking "love does not boast and is not arrogant" I've always thought the two were the same and I had both mastered, after all I did not walk around telling everybody how good I was (okay, let me just pause for all of you who remember my infamous little quote growing up "I'm the best" and say this has not even been considered by me until right now, huh, look at that another example of Gods working.) these past weeks God has revealed a little more of my heart to me. What I saw: I am terrible at both! Boasting and arrogance. I thank God for his grace in only revealing to me a little of my heart at a time, lest I become overwhelmed with the blackness of it.

clanging cymbals

2006-11-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

I am not very eloquent in speech so I debated if a blog was the smart thing. After all I don’t want to sound stupid to everyone! I read some blogs, listen to some people speak and think, wow they said exactly what I was thinking. Only when I try to say it, it comes out jumbled. I have often wondered why God would put me in the position I’m in and not give me eloquent speech, (okay forget eloquent, just to be able to communicate what I’m thinking without tripping over my own tongue would make life easier.) Why is it that i have so much rattling around in my head and yet i can't get it off my lips? Every time I get frustrated with my lack of communication skills (and they are lacking) I must remind myself, He is the one who has given me ALL I need for life and Godliness. Then i think about what Paul says: if I could speak with the tongues of men and angels and have not love I am just noise!( i played the cymbals, and they ARE annoying.) There is so much more in my life that is of greater importance, such as humbling myself, Loving, being selfless, doing everything without grumbling or complaining, praying continually, growing in the Grace and Knowledge of my savior, and so much more. So, I must focus on that which really matters, not on the things that would make me appear better or in my case sound better. I must decrease and He must increase! I don’t want to be just another clanging cymbal. And yet communication is so very important. so how does all of this fit together?

The Book is Open

2006-11-27T14:18:00.000-08:00

This is Kami’s blog, but the first post is by Jack (her loving and ruggedly good looking husband), because she is computer illiterate. (Although she can get to Word just fine – at least that’s what she says).
This is the last you will hear from me outside of the comment section, and I hope that this will soon be deleted.